The Back Closet

Thanks for checking out the history of Adam's FLICKED UP Reviews.
Every review outside the current year will reside here for you to find and reminisce.
Curious about last years Rankatron? Most of them are here (a lot of them no longer exist because I didn't make a back-up)...this is my back-up.
It's barebones right now but it doesn't mean it won't be nicer later.
Just consider this the Back Closet for movie reviews.

Enjoy!

CLOVERFIELD of Dreams: If you see it, it will eat you.

(NOTE: This review's all spoiler free, people! I hate when stuff is given away)

What is there to say about this movie that you don't already know?

To call it a Blair Witch Project/Godzilla mash-up would be over-simplifying and not doing justice to the brilliance of Cloverfield. Yes, this movie is all on jittery handheld video like in Blair Witch and runs like a Universal Studios amusement park ride but the similarities end there. Unlike Blair Witch, we do get to see the monster close-up. An unnamed beast, I'm bold to say, that unto itself will go down in history as one of the most creative and unique terrors ever to grace the silver screen.

Cloverfield is akin to the great James Cameron Aliens movies in atmosphere, tension, and creatures that jump at you in the dark.

But no, that's still not quite right.

JJ Abrams is a master of subtle story-telling. Every piece of plot is strategically placed for you to mull over and appreciate. He's done it in Lost, Alias, and (to a lesser degree) Mission Impossible 3. This is a monster movie to think about after the last clip ends abruptly. Abrams allows you to fill in the blanks with your own imagination. Nothing is quite as terrifying as what your own mind can drum up on a creepy silent night.

He brings you down to ground level following five friends surviving in New York City after the monster begins to attack. All you ever know is what they know...and that's never the full story...just like what would happen in real life. But who goes to movies to experience real life? We go for an escape. An escape is what this movie will give you as long as you go in with the thought that this is a Ride (capital R intentional)...the only thing missing is the shakey seats and a rollercoaster.

Cloverfield is a movie interwoven in what is captured upon this video camera found in Central Park after the event. And what it captures is a day that will echo 9/11 in true rawness and grit (well, as true as movies can give us). It captures an ordinary night turned extraordinary.

If you heed my warning that this flick is more rollercoaster-like with clever storytelling and less run-of-the-mill movie, you may appreciate it like I did. If you can't handle rollercoasters or get motion sickness, wait for video. No matter how you see it, sit near the back...and get ready for a wild ride.

8 new and creative ways to die out of 10

(EASTER EGG for Lost Fans: Look for the Lost shout-out right at the beginning before the video starts...Dharma?)

SWEENEY TODD: The Demon Barber of Suckitude

It's a musical...

...if that hasn't dissuaded you, allow me to break down this pupu platter of mediocrity.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy a good movie musical as much as the next fella. I loved Chicago, Singing in the Rain, Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins, and Jesus Christ Superstar. I liked Dreamgirls and Hairspray. Lion King was pretty good. Heck, the South Park movie was a borderline musical and that one was pretty good (even got an Oscar nom). All these musicals deserve the accolades they've received.

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET may have been a highly successful Broadway hit but that doesn't automatically give it a free pass in the movies.

We follow the title character, Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp), through a melee of murders in late 19th century London. Sweeney is a well-known talented barber in search of revenge after his life was ruined by Judge Turpin (Alan "Snape" Rickman) who steals his wife and baby and exiles him in prison for fifteen years for a crime he wrongly was guilty for.

He plots his revenge by becoming the demon the Judge created, a cold-blooded killer. His tools of death are his razor blades. He gains great joy in slitting people's throats in his barber chair and having their bodies mulched into pie filling by the baker downstairs and new friend, the equally morbid Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter). She finds her business take off as soon as her pies become filled with humany goodness.

Did I mention this was a musical? With nary a catchy tune? There are maybe only 10 phrases in the whole movie that aren't sung.

Not to say it was all bad. Depp pulls off the most successful character transformation of his career since he delved into the drug-induced mind of Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. He deserves the Oscar nomination this year but to give it to him would be like rewarding the best basketball player on a bad team. Talented, yes. In his prime, without a doubt. Did he make the movie better, absolutely! But there's only so much an actor can do to elevate a movie before the sole responsibility falls on those adapting the musical for screen.

Bottom line, the movie was filled with talent. The translation is what fell short.

This movie isn't for the faint of heart. The blood flows freely and often. If you want to see another musical turned movie and maybe kill a few hours to watch death, cannibalism, and Sasha Baron Cohen (the Borat guy) in tight blue pants and sporting a thick Italian accent, be my guest. (Beauty and The Beast...another good musical!) ...otherwise...

4 of Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies out of 10.

JUNO goes for the Oscar

I've been a fan of movies and TV shows that flex their literary and verbal muscles since I've seen Dr. Joel Fleishman show up in the town of Cicely, Alaska in that early 90s hit Northern Exposure. Up until that time, I never fully realized how smart words can be. A witty turn of a phrase, two or more characters sparring and spewing fast-paced dialogue full of one-liners that hit you like a one-two punch and leave your reeling before you know what happened...and only fully appreciated when you take a breath and listen with undivided attention. Many movies and TV shows since that tale of a neurotic doctor trapped in northern Alaska have followed this model: Gilmour Girls, any Kevin Smith movie (especially Clerks), Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs...just to name a few...and there are too few of these movies. Juno IS one of these types of movies.

Ellen Page, as Juno MacGruff, dances through the heavy and controversial subject of teenage pregnancy with the easy of a prima ballerina. She deals with her ordeal with grace, common-sense, and wisdom beyond her years. She doesn't treat her pregnancy like a curse and takes anyone who thinks as such with a grain of salt. Independent and strong she figures the best and simplest overall solution and excludes nothing as an option. She has no vices against abortion or adoption. She bases her decision on logic and feeling.

With such a serious subject matter, humour comes surprisingly easy in this quirky movie. Not laugh out loud comedy found in another "Unplanned Pregnancy" flick such as Knocked Up. This humour will make you smile and feel good inside. Juno will light up your soul with her apt points of view that make you wonder why everything has to be so complicated.

Her boyfriend/father of her child, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera of Superbad and Arrested Development fame) is quiet, caring, and breaming with boyish charm. He supports her despite his fears of being a father in High School.

Jennifer Garner (Vanessa) and Jason Bateman (Mark) are a married couple both following their dreams: One about to be realized and another to be pushed aside into a small room in the basement. They play Juno's saviours and, in turn, become saved by Juno in ways you wouldn't completely expect.

Juno's father, Mac MacGruff (played by JK Simmons - you'll recognize him as J.Jonah Jameson from Spiderman), treats and supports Juno with unwaivering paternal understanding without masking his disappointment. Yet, he doesn't allow this to interfere with helping Juno do what needs to be done. Juno doesn't fall to far from the tree in this sense.

Ellen Page, for her range and her courage to take on such a role, deserves the Oscar. And even if the movie itself doesn't win Best Picture this year, I will honour it by giving it my highest score ever, a perfect 10...take that Academy!!!

10 jugs of OJ out of 10.

A flip of a coin: NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Call it. Go ahead. Call it.

You're right, it doesn't matter. No matter which way you flip it, the outcome will be the same...the ending will confound all but the most astute viewers.

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN is, at it's very gun-toting core, a character piece dominated by the most frightening and intelligent antagonists since Hannibal Lecter yearning to eat your liver with favre beans and a nice Chianti. Anton Chighur (Pronounced almost like Sugar)'s cool relentless demeanor and benign reaction to all his victims will send chills down your spine long after the closing credits begin to roll. He views the world as a game of Heads or Tails.

Chighur believes he is brought to a particular victim not by choice but by chance. Chance that brought him to reluctant and entirely likeable retired Vietnam Vet, Llewellyn Moss (played by Josh Brolin), who stumbles upon a bag of money that Chighur needs. Chance by a flip of a coin that allows Chighur to decide if he's going to kill someone or not as a warped sign of compassion.

The silent tension (and there's a LOT of it) is broken by the clever repartee between Sheriff Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) and Deputy Wendell (Garrett Delahunt) as they sniff down Chighur's seemingly random trail. And notable roles by Woody Harrelson as over-confident bounty hunter Carson Wells, Stephen Root as Wells boss, Kelly MacDonald as Lewellyn's pained wife, and Barry Corbin as the Sheriff's father give this movie depth.

If there's one lesson to take from this Coen Brother's flick is that even in chance and fate there's a choice. Deal or No Deal, Howie! Will you take a risk and go for the bag of money, or call it quits and take the best offer on the table?

No matter what you choose, you'll fall into one of two categories: you'll either love this movie and get the ending, or feel cheated and lost by the ending.

The beauty in this masterpiece is in its details and careful selection of words and not in the gruesome death and chase scenes. As soon as I woke up to that, the ending will come to you as clear as a (slightly muffled) bell.

So will you go and watch this movie by chance or by choice? I can't answer that for you. Flip a coin and let chance decide. Either way, it's what fate determined.

9 Coin Flips out of 10.

I Am Will Smith looking for an Oscar: A look at I AM LEGEND

Alright...let's all take a small poll:

How many of you knew by looking at the trailer that that there'd be zombies involved? Okay. I didn't until almost right before I went in when I learned about the answer to the next question.

How many of you knew that this isn't an original movie and instead is a loose remake of a 1970's movie called Omega Man starring Charleton Heston which was also a remake of a 1961 flick called "The Last Man on Earth" starring Vincent Price? Me neither. But even with all that, I AM LEGEND didn't disappoint.

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air had large shoes to fill following in the terrified footsteps of Heston and Price as main character/virologist/zombi

e-killer Dr. Robert Neville. Smith's subtle performance of being the last known human on Earth (or at least living in NYC) striving to keep his sanity, starve off loneliness, fighting off viral zombies, and searching for a cure that turned the human race into zombies is, in my humble opinion, Oscar-worthy.

Yes...I'll repeat that again in case you did a double take...I said that the guy who penned that coming-of-teenage tune "Parents Just Don't Understand" deserves an Oscar nod. No other actor I could think of could have pulled off the sensitivity, strength, and intelligence required to make this role a success. No disrespect to the Tom Hanks, the Denzels, or the Deniros our there. This Cinderella slipper would've only fit Will Smith's dainty feet.

And Smith's only interaction in the first two thirds of this movie is with his trusty canine companion echoing Tom Hanks and that stubborn volleyball, Wilson, from Castaway.

And the first two-thirds...oh my...you'll be stuck to find such stark and breathtaking cinematography in anything else released this year. (e.g. Smith driving golf balls off of an air craft carrier on to the empty wild streets of NYC). The acting, the story, and the atmosphere is worth the price of admission alone.

Then the final third (AKA the Zombie Third) rears its head and it becomes another movie all together. If you liked "28 Days Later" then this would be right up your alley. I didn't like "28 Days Later" but still found this last bit exciting, enjoyable, and borderline predictable.

As a whole, it was a great popcorn-chomping movie that nearly approached brilliance but shied away at the end.

8.2 viral zombies out of 10.

TREMORS 4 : Three Tremors too many!

OK...these past few weeks I've been busy with various things...wondering when the new baby would arrive, fixing my car, going to the hospital for the birth of lil' Em, worrying about my physical state (turns out that I'm still ok), and learning how to care for a little child (it's awesome when they cuddle up to you...)...during these past 4 weeks, I always found myself up at about 2am on Friday watching the Space channel's Friday Fright movie.

Three weeks ago it was Tremors. You all remember Tremors right? It was that 1990 horror flic starring Kevin Bacon, Kris Kristofferson, Reba McIntyre, and Michael Gross (Michael Keaton from Family Ties fame). It involved this little run down town in the middle of the desert called Perfection that ended up getting terrorized by these giant elephant-sized man-eating car-crushing house-demolishing worms that lived underground. They hunted by feeling the vibrations of where you walked. Great flick! Scary the first time you see it. And incredibly creative. Recommend it for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Two weeks ago, on the same channel I find Tremors 2:Aftershock. I've seen this "straight to video" movie before expecting a good time...my first clue that it wasn't going to be a wild ride was that the only star to reprise a role was Michael Gross. We're in the same town again. This time the underground monsters are back...this time they're called Graboids (horrible name)...and this time the worms turn out to just be pods that give birth to packs of these two legged hyena things that hunt by sound only. Yes...it gets worse. These little two legged things multiply a la Gremlins except when you feed them...and that they apparently can sense heat like infrared. So...this was a bad movie that should've killed the series...it didn't...it got much worse.

One week ago: I'm surprised to see Tremors 3: Back to Perfection. Michael Gross is back in Perfection to find that the town has gone Graboid crazy!!! The town has turned into a cheap promotion spot luring tourists to catch a glimpse of the worms like looking for whales on the ocean. So the worms are back...so are the little hyena things...and THEY mutate into these flying creatures which are called...I couldn't make this up..."Ass-Blasters" because they can now fly and shoot fire from their butts. It ends with the last Ass-Blaster being eaten by a friendly albino Graboid...yes...you read that right. That should've been the end of this crazy series...but it wasn't...sigh...

Tonight...lo and behold...Tremors 4: The Legend Begins. But it really shouldn't have. We go back to somewhere in the 1800s and the town of Perfection (called Rejection) has a silver mine owned by the ancestor of Michael Gross's earlier character...also played by Michael Gross. The mine is attacked by the worms for the first time EVER!!! (Forget about the first movie that was supposed to be the first time...this one is the REAL first forgotten time) Yep...predictable...boring...and I can't believe I watched the whole thing...and a little part of me has died inside.

And get this!!! There's a Tremors 5 in the works...if there's a God in Heaven...or some kind of higher being watching over us like the Director in the Truman Show...or a grand and great Wizard of Oz...please oh please don't let this movie happen...I beg of you!!!!

End rant.