BEST...MOVIE...EVER!

From the opening credits where Homer stands up in a movie theatre declaring, "Why would anyone pay to see something that they can get for free on TV?" Then looks directly at the audience...I knew this was going to be something special. I felt like what Bart must've felt like to see the Itchy and Scratchy Movie (who, by the way, makes an appearance along with pretty much everyone else in Springfield). I felt like I was watching a defining movie of my generation.

The Simpsons movie not only lived up to my overbloated Comic-Book Guy expectations...it provided a seamless storyline riddled with machine-gun-like humour that I came to expect and love from the Simpsons. No avenue is safe from Homer, Bart, Lisa, Marge, and Maggie. Taking jabs at Al Gore ("An Irritating Truth"), President Bush ("I've been elected to lead, not read"), and organized religion ("There are no answers in this book."), you'll find yourself laughing like Dr. Hibbert.

Now...I'd love to go on a quote-fest from the movie...and like any great Simpsons episode...this won't take away from anything because the beauty of the Simpsons is that you can watch it over and over again without getting tired (at least Seasons 1-9). The delivery is so perfect. Having said that, I'm not going to quote every line of the movie...some things just deserve to be a surprise (sorry, Tara).

No funny movie since Office Space (or maybe as far back as Wayne's World) will spawn a slew of catchphrases which will be heard until the end of time. Such as "Spider-Pig" or "Thank you, Boob-lady!" or Ralph saying "I like men now." Or Bart: "This is the worst day of my life." and Homer replying "This is the worse day of your life SO FAR." (OK...I promise...I'll stop the quotes.)

So, if you're a fan of the Simpsons, irreverent satirical humour, or just like a good funny story with a lot of heart, this one's for you.

Just a side note to the writers: Writers...if you could pull off a brilliant piece of comic hilarity like this gem that would rival any early episode, why don't you invest some of that talent in the current episodes?

One last thing: stay during the credits...consider yourselves warned.

9.7 frames of Bart's Doodle out of 10 (consider yourselves warned again)

RATATOUILLE: A dish best served with popcorn

7:38pm Wednesday, Jul 18, 2007

Every once and awhile, a movie sneaks on to the list that I didn't intend on seeing. A movie that for some reason or another presented itself in a way where I don't have to spend money to watch it (someone offers to pay for the theatre ticket, ect...). A movie that I was borderline to add to the official list but decided to cut because I didn't have enough interest. This isn't a bad thing. It's just that with so many good movies coming out this summer, I had to be choosy.

That movie is: Ratatouille. And thus...becomes the first unlisted entrant into my Rankatron.

Now, we've all seen the previews: the rat is a great cook, finds an inept young man who works in a kitchen, and together they form an uber-chef of silly proportions that only Pixar can do justice.

This movie has as much heart, character, and story as Toy Story and Monsters Inc. There's a little less hilarity but all the characters have this sweet redeeming quality about them (Even the cold heartless food critic who could've been a distant cousin of the Grinch as far as personality goes). Not to say there aren't funny parts...there are...when Linguini (the young man) and Reby (the rat) try to work out how they're going to operate together, these scenes of physical comedy rival some of the stuff you'd see Chaplin do...if his body was made of half-cooked er...Linguini noodles.

Great story, great fun, great characters, DEFINITELY safe for the whole family (unless you have someone in the family creeped out by hoards of rats running out of a restaurant fridge). It was surprisingly better than I expected...but didn't blow me away either...kind of like eating a nice home cooked meal: satisfying but not spectacular...and free of rat poison (gratuitous movie joke).

I'm not as stone cold as the critic in the movie. And though there was room for improvement in Ratatouille, I give this service a 4-star rating...or, since I've got to follow my own formula and do it out of ten:

7.8 full helpings out of 10.

Your 3D Review of HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHEONIX

10:08am Saturday, Jul 14, 2007 | Edit Note | Delete

(To get the full experience of this review, place your 3D goggles on now...thank you!)

Before I get into this review...I'd like to say that this review is tainted through the eyes of someone who enjoys Harry Potter books BUT sat in the front row of the IMAX, ended up with a sore neck and butt, and had to pee like there was an Crucio curse on me. So...without further ado...

When I read Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix a few years ago, I thought that it was tight, well-written, and surprise twists all around (I won't spoil them here if you've never read the book). The movie does justice to the main plot of the book but shies away from all the secondary stories which make the books so much fun (i.e. Harry and friends preparing for their OWLS---magic exams for the uninitiated). But I understand why...if the director had chosen to include all those GREAT little details, the movie would've run 5 hours instead of 2 and a half. We just get the bare bones of the story with none of the personality...which is forgivable! Because what's there is enough.

I love the fact that the actual actors are growing up with this series. Nothing's worse than a major character being played by another actor mid-stride...it's distracting watching the movie. (Unless there's a good reason like when the wonderful Richard Harris's strong but soft spoken Dumbledore was replaced by Michael Gambon's "I'm old but I'll kick your ass" version of the headmaster after Harris passed away...I still like Harris's version better). All the actors have become so familiar with their character's that it's become old hat (or Old Sorting Hat)...and I'm starting to think that...even though they do a great job...they're starting to get complacent with them.

I disagree with a lot of reviewers out there who say that this movie has lost it's magic from the earlier ones...that's not true. If this one was the first of the series to come out, all these reviewers would be raving that this is a great dark movie. Yes, it doesn't have all the whimsy that the earlier movies do...but the movies are growing up with the kids. It's like comparing your Grade 1 experience to Grade 12. Colouring in your colouring book or learning number from flashcards are fun in grade 1 but by grade 12...all these fun things are boring replaced by other things...not less fun...just a different kind of fun. That's what this movie is like.

Special shout out to my friend Matt's friend, Tony Maudsley, as Hagrid's brother, Graup in the movie! You looked like me waking up in the morning...except with less hair. I'm now only two degrees separated from Snape (my favourite character).

Oh yeah, one other thing...don't go into the 3D IMAX experience expecting it to be that way all the way through. The 3D part only happens near the climax (though it was worth the wait)...and they give you the green "wear your glasses here" sign...so you don't have to wonder when to put them on. I found myself slightly disappointed it wasn't all the way through. (So Graup you were still 2D...but 6 stories tall...but still only 2D).

Was it the best of the series? Probably tied with Goblet of Fire. Could it have been better? Yes...but only if you wanted to have the extended 5 hour version. Was I distracted by the 3D thing, my butt pain, and the wish I had a nearby Pensieve to relieve myself into? Yes. With all that in mind I give this movie...

7.5 OWLs out of 10.

(You may now remove your 3D glasses)

I Am TRANSFORMED!

12:29pm Saturday, Jul 7, 2007 | Edit Note | Delete

Transformers was one of the most defining TV shows of my young life back in the 80s. It spawned the beginning of my imagination (those wars against Astroboy and GI Joe who where brainwashed by the Decepticons and Cobra Commander to battle the undermanned Autobots kept me in my room for hours of fun.) It was the first show that was so important to me that if this movie tainted that in anyway, I'd have to give the movie a biased review.

Luckily, it didn't destroy my childhood with a half-assed attempt to capitalize on the twenty/thirty-something male market (along with the new kids growing up now just discovering them). Instead, they pulled out a kick-ass slugfest with some of the most amazing special effects I've ever seen.

Let me put this in perspective: the CGI for the Transformers was so good, I'd put it above the effects in creating the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Not once was I thinking that Optimus was a detailed animation character superimposed in the real movie world. He was a full fledged character that meshed seamlessly with the rest of the story.

The action is second to none to anything else I've seen this summer...but how can you out-do giant battling robots (Sorry John McLean). But some of the fighting scenes are a blur as there's too much happening at once. Yet, these situations were few and far between.

I've got two major critiques for this movie: 1. the human characters in Transformers were flat and stereotypical (the best characters were the Autobots who were all hilarious in they're own cliche way delivery cheesy over the top lines just like in the cartoon...but I LOVED it!!!). 2. For those harcore fans of the original Transformers (I.E. me), separate yourself from the original storyline and look at this as a brand new story. They address some of the original plot points but take new liberties for the movie. For those who've never seen the original Transformers, you're in for a car-crashing rip-roaring ride.

Other than that...this is the BEST action movie I've witnessed this summer. What it suffers in character development (except the Autobots), and in plot (as there's TONS of plot holes), it more than makes up in explosions and humour. But what else do you want in a great summer movie?

8.8 Energon Cubes out of 10.

PS There's a preview for an untitled movie from JJ Abrams coming out in January that is unlike anything ever seen. It's code named Cloverfield. Check it out at my profile for the preview. That movie is going to be the talk of the rest of the summer, fall, and winter.